dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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