Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
