If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
