the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
