Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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