dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
