I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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