It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
