the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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