It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
