So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
