you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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