Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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