I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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