i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
