somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
