JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
