do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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