I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
