During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
