She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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