from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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