So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
