Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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