Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where is the hickey?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
