You just made me feel so damn special
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
