I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
