you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
