you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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