I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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