So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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