Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize