we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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