The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
