wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
