i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
