i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
