it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
