We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize