help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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