I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize