toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
