Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
