I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think my moral compass just broke
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