my mouth tastes like poor choices
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize