honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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