I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
