I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The best revenge is premature balding
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
