How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
