Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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