I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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