she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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