Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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