got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
