the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
