i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
