Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
