Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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