I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
