Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
