He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
