I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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