you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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