porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
