People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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