Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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