: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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