I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
did you just send me my own nude
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
