i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
