I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
